I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize