Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
