She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Found the puke drawer
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
