I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
