this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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