you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
