My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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