I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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