i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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