Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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