Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
