just survived the first fart of the relationship.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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