Dual....:-)
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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