When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize