Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
