i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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