I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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