ya dads aren't the best wingmen
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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