I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
