your parents love me but you hate me
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize
