Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
