If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
