THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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