I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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