So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You need Xanax blowdarts
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
