i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
