My liver just broke up with me...
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize