I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You're earring is so big in my mouth
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
