Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
