Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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