mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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