You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
