We won't sleep together?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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