I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
