I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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