If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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