it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
