They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
