Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Randomize
