uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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