How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
