Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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