I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
