if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I booty called her while she was in labor.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize