the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
