Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
