I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
