i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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