Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
