I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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