i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
