you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
