Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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