Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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