I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
