I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
