Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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