I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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