So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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