Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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