she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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