fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
