I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
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