so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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