The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
