just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Randomize
