I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
