When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
