I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
