The maid of honor just puked.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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