i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
