She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
