just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
