Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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