:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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