oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
