Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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