I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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