highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
