Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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