Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
