worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize