The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
