So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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