Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
