hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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