I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
