He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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