i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
