There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
