Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize