I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
