At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
