it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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