Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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