did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
