Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
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