i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
