he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
