i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
