I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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