Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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