just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
