The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
