I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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