So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
