the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I am naked and annoyed.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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