I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
