I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
