I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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