You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
