I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
