Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
