but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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