and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
