my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
