my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
