I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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