do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I am spending my child support on dildos
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
